Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
