we have pet lesbian snakes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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