I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
