dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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