At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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