when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
