my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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