I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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