And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
