oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
