Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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