Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
