the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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