also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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