its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
