my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
