Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
