I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
