I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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