After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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