he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
