that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
