Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
