Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
