why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize