I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
