Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if only i could text you this smell
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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