Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
