im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
