Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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