I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm at about main and main street
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
