You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
