I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
