Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
