I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
