I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
