Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
