ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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