Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
