I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
