I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
