I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
