i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
