Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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