I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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