The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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