a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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