I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
