I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
