the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
