I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had sex on a roof
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
