woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
