I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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