So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
