God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
