just come out here and I will go home with you...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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