Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
