the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize