Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
